How to win over a Mac

Welcome back to Renner Hall cyber world!

Recently I've had lots of good conversations with that evil race, females, and they just can't seem to believe just how simple I am. They always get confused with my rules of dating, and act as though I can't really mean what I say. Girlies say they have met nobody who has all the rules that I have and all that good stuff. So, for everybody out there who wants some of the Mac Man's magic stick, I am going to list these 6 simple rules to sweep me off my feet.

Renner Hall Presents...

*6 easy ways to catch a man for the woman who can't cook!*

rule #1: DO NOT CALL ME EVERYDAY
Many a girl lose their likeablity right here. What in the world can we possibly talk about everyday? I'm not reporting in to anybody my daily activities, and don't want to hear about yours. That's all that happens when two people talk everyday. Now yes, there are exceptions if two lovebirds are married, or engaged, but before then, save your breath. I will not answer, this will incite a problem, I will not cave in. The average person in my world falls into the rule of threes. I will get tired of you in 3 hours/ and or 3 days. If we are around each other constantly for three hours, I just might shoot you, and if we are in the same place for 3 days, I will shoot you. When one calls everyday it become a requirement and not a reprieve, and I don't know about you, but I start dating folks because I like them, not because I need a babysitter.

rule #2: NO MOVIES
What this rule means is that the Mac man has a little more class than dinner and a movie. That's so junior high. I rarely take a chick to see a movie, hell I can watch a movie on my own. I'm all for intelligent conversation and having fun, neither of which can be done at a movie. Here's a short list of dates the Mac man regularly participates in: amusement parks, ice skating, salsa dancing, chess in the park, sporting events, plays, musicals, concerts, weekend trips. Nowhere in there do you read dinner and a movie, watching t.v., or studying together. If your not willing to step your game up and try new things, please do not apply to the Mac school of loving, as you will be rejected.

rule #3: TOUGHEN-UP
I Malcom Mac, am a sarcastic dude. It will not change, I have no desire to change it (much), and don't even realize that I do it anymore. So, if you can't take a joke, and spit one right back out...well, let's just say your feelings will get hurt on a regular basis. If I tell you that you look a lil' ugly today, don't get mad at me, tell me I look like crap most days. Understand that I mean no harm, and in two minutes I will have forgotten that I ever said it.

rule #4: GOD BLESSED YOU WITH A BRAIN, USE IT PLEASE
Mudbone and I both agree here, why don't people just think sometimes. If I ask you a question, please do not repeat back to me what Oprah's opinion was yesterday and tell me that it's what you agree with. Please pick up something to read besides a romance novel, as those don't help you to learn a darn thing, and do not enlighten you at all. Don't fall into the social norms, cause the Mac man definitely doesn't. Stay mentally sharp chick, read a book, do a crossword puzzle or something. Again, if you have no common sense, you will never see the magic stick, lil Mac is picky and if you can't spell intelligence, then please don't open up your legs. (sidenote: you can't have a baby out of your mouth)

rule #5: MAC TIME
As the late Biggie Smalls said, #5 should've been #1 to me....YOU MUST ABOVE ALL THINGS RESPECT MY FREE TIME. Preferably the Mac man desires three hours of me time per day. However, to accommodate for a special lady in my life, I will reduce it to one. It's not that I don't like you, or that I'm mad at you, or anything, I just need me time to re-charge and get in touch with myself. Daddy Mac always told me, "lil' Mac...Always look out for #1". Please believe I will do that ladies. Do not fight me over Mac time, you will not win. Do tell me in advance if you have something for me/us to do on a particular day, so I can make the appropriate arrangements. Example, if you want to go see the new Superman movie, tell me in advance, otherwise I will use my me time to go see the movie myself, then you will undoubtedly get mad at me for not seeing the movie with you. Well heck, you never told me that you wanted to see it. I will be grouchy if I don't get my daily dose of me. UNDERSTAND THAT, RESPECT THAT, EMBRACE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE THE MAC. All will be good with the world.

rule #6. YOU ARE YOUR HAIR, F-CK WITH INDIA AIRE SAYS!
I will not date a girl who wears: scarfs, rags, hats, braids, or anything else to cover up her bad hair. Nor will I deal with a chick who always has her hair in a bun. Women, not only is that just not attractive, but I have to think about my future daughters here, we all know I'm part Injun, I gots good hair, so if you gots naps, please don't mess up my genes. Also ladies, you are not Jill Scott. Please do not think you can just let the ni--a naps in your heard grow, and call yourself a neo-style chick. That mess is ugly, go get a comb, hot iron, and some TCB perm and work that out. The rule used to be entitled, "go get a perm kit", but I have since realized one need not have a perm to keep their hair up. Back to the main point, keep your hair up women, it's sexy. It says that you take time to care for yourself, and have time to spare on your hair. If you can't make time to get your hair done and comb it everyday, how in the world will you make time for me. Only one time have I went out with a chick who didn't have tight hair, and let's just say I couldn't concentrate. We were on Broadway, watching Lion King, and this heifer had a scarf in her head, the Mac man was embarrassed. So, India Aire is wrong, that's why her man left her ass I'm sure, her head looked like the damn Amazon jungle. That sends a man running quicker than saying, "no admittance, wait till marriage".

Suffocation

Ma Mac always tells me you gotta have your own life. That if you are around somebody too much, you will be suffocated, and things will end up worse than they started. This seems to have stuck with me my entire life, as with any chick I deal with, I demand "me time". At the present moment I couldn't imagine talking to somebody everyday.
So the question is how much is too much. I mean, would it be wrong to talk to a girl everyday? The Mac Man has some firm rules on these things, and the first is DO NOT CALL ME EVERYDAY. You will quickly learn that I am not tolerant of some chick who demands way too much of my time. Keep it fresh, I mean, when a relationship feels like a obligation, and not something you love to do, that is definitely a problem.
Next is, at what point in time does one let a girl do her own thing. For example, if she is hungry, and I am not, must I go get her some food? I'm sure the average answer out there is yes. So, what if I'm busy getting my doctor on, and she is on messenger? Heffer get yo ass up and go get something to eat. I don't believe in babying girls, since how one starts is how one must maintain.

Readers, that bears repeating. HOW ONE STARTS IS HOW ONE MUST MAINTAIN. In other words, if you start off by putting up a front, then it will be the death of your relationship. *Now back to the main show*

Finally, and this point strikes me closest to my heart, because underneath the facade, I'm really an introvert. When one is hanging out with their significant other, must they remove themselves from the world. Example, Lady Mac is out with her coming home from shopping with her girls, and she is hungry. Now, say I call her up and say I'm hungry as well. Do I say 1. "let's go out to eat with your girls!", or 2. "Drop them and lets go have dinner." Now, I don't mean those times when I'm really trying to get Lady Mac naked and going through the motions. I'm referring to when I'm really hungry. One option separates her and me from the world, and one option includes me in her group of friends I could really give a damn for.
Well, it's a good thing that Mac man don't mind doing things on his own, I can tell a brawd go hang with your girls, I can have fun with two good eyes and an appetite. The moral of the story is this, the Mac man does not handcuff these boppers, unless it's in the bedroom of course, where that's only the beginning of my tricks!

Laws for Immigrants

Just the other day Mudbone sent me an interesting article on the immigration problem here in the U.S., and it got me to thinking. This whole system here is jacked up. We gave these immigrants to much power, and now they are not only putting us blacks in the rear view mirror, but also all of America.

That's just not the way it's supposed to be around her. Immigrants are supposed to depend on us for their livelihood and well-being. As an American, if I say, "jump" they are supposed to be in the air before I can sound out the letter "p". Instead they have made America their own personal country club. So here, in Renner Hall, I'm going to post a list of rules to put these damn immigrants back into their place.

Malcom Mac presents, courtesy of Renner Hall presentations:

*Renner Hall's Rules for Rodents*

1. Thou shall speak English at all times, except in the privacy of your own nest.
-- Now don't get me wrong, I don't want anybody to lose their culture, or language, or history, or past, or anything along those lines. Hell, that's what I love about America there are so many differences and so many different cultures that every woman looks different. However, now it's getting to the point where to get a discount on anything you must speak a language other than English. Want a good rate on your home landscaping...Better brush up on your Spanish. Want the hook up on a new cell phone, or maybe even a new plan? Well you better step ya game up on your Chinese and go into Chinatown. In college, want to do well in class? Odds are you need to learn one of the Eastern Indian dialects, cause that's what your teacher is. If you don't speak one of these languages, one is quickly labeled a "plain" American, and you get the end of the stick.

2. Thou shall not work for less than minimum wage.
-- As Mudbone says, "work smart not hard". Blacks especially have come a long way just to get the idea of minimum wage through. When we first got here we worked just so we did not get beat. Now they MUST give us $5 something an hour, that's a big come up in the world. Then, here come these damn immigrants working for peanuts, driving us out of the market, but putting themselves back into slavery. African-Americans figured out a long time ago that we have the power here, we are the workers, and we made Uncle Sam pay us. Why can't these new f-ckers pick up on that and jump on our band wagon.

3. Bring something to America, don't just taketh away.
-- It is not the American way not to industrialize something. How dare you come to our country, take our jobs, steal our women, and then not even cut your front yard. One would think that's' a mark of disrespect. It's like the guest who doesn't clean up behind one-self at all in the least. Garbage is piled up everywhere, they don't care about the aesthetic appearance of their house, henceforth bringing down the value of the rest of the homes in the area. Now, this isn't to say that others don't do this, or Blacks in particular...But we have a reason. This country screwed us over, raped us, kidnapped us, but us into bondage, didn't let us vote, the list comes on. If we wanna piss on the street, well somebody should toss my brother another beer, so he has more to let out. But you all, you are here for the opportunity, then you sh-t on us when you get it.