How to win over a Mac

Welcome back to Renner Hall cyber world!

Recently I've had lots of good conversations with that evil race, females, and they just can't seem to believe just how simple I am. They always get confused with my rules of dating, and act as though I can't really mean what I say. Girlies say they have met nobody who has all the rules that I have and all that good stuff. So, for everybody out there who wants some of the Mac Man's magic stick, I am going to list these 6 simple rules to sweep me off my feet.

Renner Hall Presents...

*6 easy ways to catch a man for the woman who can't cook!*

rule #1: DO NOT CALL ME EVERYDAY
Many a girl lose their likeablity right here. What in the world can we possibly talk about everyday? I'm not reporting in to anybody my daily activities, and don't want to hear about yours. That's all that happens when two people talk everyday. Now yes, there are exceptions if two lovebirds are married, or engaged, but before then, save your breath. I will not answer, this will incite a problem, I will not cave in. The average person in my world falls into the rule of threes. I will get tired of you in 3 hours/ and or 3 days. If we are around each other constantly for three hours, I just might shoot you, and if we are in the same place for 3 days, I will shoot you. When one calls everyday it become a requirement and not a reprieve, and I don't know about you, but I start dating folks because I like them, not because I need a babysitter.

rule #2: NO MOVIES
What this rule means is that the Mac man has a little more class than dinner and a movie. That's so junior high. I rarely take a chick to see a movie, hell I can watch a movie on my own. I'm all for intelligent conversation and having fun, neither of which can be done at a movie. Here's a short list of dates the Mac man regularly participates in: amusement parks, ice skating, salsa dancing, chess in the park, sporting events, plays, musicals, concerts, weekend trips. Nowhere in there do you read dinner and a movie, watching t.v., or studying together. If your not willing to step your game up and try new things, please do not apply to the Mac school of loving, as you will be rejected.

rule #3: TOUGHEN-UP
I Malcom Mac, am a sarcastic dude. It will not change, I have no desire to change it (much), and don't even realize that I do it anymore. So, if you can't take a joke, and spit one right back out...well, let's just say your feelings will get hurt on a regular basis. If I tell you that you look a lil' ugly today, don't get mad at me, tell me I look like crap most days. Understand that I mean no harm, and in two minutes I will have forgotten that I ever said it.

rule #4: GOD BLESSED YOU WITH A BRAIN, USE IT PLEASE
Mudbone and I both agree here, why don't people just think sometimes. If I ask you a question, please do not repeat back to me what Oprah's opinion was yesterday and tell me that it's what you agree with. Please pick up something to read besides a romance novel, as those don't help you to learn a darn thing, and do not enlighten you at all. Don't fall into the social norms, cause the Mac man definitely doesn't. Stay mentally sharp chick, read a book, do a crossword puzzle or something. Again, if you have no common sense, you will never see the magic stick, lil Mac is picky and if you can't spell intelligence, then please don't open up your legs. (sidenote: you can't have a baby out of your mouth)

rule #5: MAC TIME
As the late Biggie Smalls said, #5 should've been #1 to me....YOU MUST ABOVE ALL THINGS RESPECT MY FREE TIME. Preferably the Mac man desires three hours of me time per day. However, to accommodate for a special lady in my life, I will reduce it to one. It's not that I don't like you, or that I'm mad at you, or anything, I just need me time to re-charge and get in touch with myself. Daddy Mac always told me, "lil' Mac...Always look out for #1". Please believe I will do that ladies. Do not fight me over Mac time, you will not win. Do tell me in advance if you have something for me/us to do on a particular day, so I can make the appropriate arrangements. Example, if you want to go see the new Superman movie, tell me in advance, otherwise I will use my me time to go see the movie myself, then you will undoubtedly get mad at me for not seeing the movie with you. Well heck, you never told me that you wanted to see it. I will be grouchy if I don't get my daily dose of me. UNDERSTAND THAT, RESPECT THAT, EMBRACE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE THE MAC. All will be good with the world.

rule #6. YOU ARE YOUR HAIR, F-CK WITH INDIA AIRE SAYS!
I will not date a girl who wears: scarfs, rags, hats, braids, or anything else to cover up her bad hair. Nor will I deal with a chick who always has her hair in a bun. Women, not only is that just not attractive, but I have to think about my future daughters here, we all know I'm part Injun, I gots good hair, so if you gots naps, please don't mess up my genes. Also ladies, you are not Jill Scott. Please do not think you can just let the ni--a naps in your heard grow, and call yourself a neo-style chick. That mess is ugly, go get a comb, hot iron, and some TCB perm and work that out. The rule used to be entitled, "go get a perm kit", but I have since realized one need not have a perm to keep their hair up. Back to the main point, keep your hair up women, it's sexy. It says that you take time to care for yourself, and have time to spare on your hair. If you can't make time to get your hair done and comb it everyday, how in the world will you make time for me. Only one time have I went out with a chick who didn't have tight hair, and let's just say I couldn't concentrate. We were on Broadway, watching Lion King, and this heifer had a scarf in her head, the Mac man was embarrassed. So, India Aire is wrong, that's why her man left her ass I'm sure, her head looked like the damn Amazon jungle. That sends a man running quicker than saying, "no admittance, wait till marriage".